On the day of the finale of ‘Chinese Good Songs’, Li Tiezhu was forcibly dragged to the company by his manager, Zhang Xiaomeng, for a small meeting about his new album.
“Congratulations on getting the title again, Tie Zhu.”
“Generally average.”
“What about the new album? At least it has to come out before your worldwide concert in the summer.”
“The songs are all written!”
“Is it done?”
“Yes!”
“What the hell! Only eight songs?”
“Only eight songs?”
“Yeah! What did you think?”
“I thought it was a dozen songs.”
“Where did you get that many?”
“I was on ‘China’s Best Song’! And won the championship. And wrote songs on other shows!”
“Good Song you just went on six instalments, a total of six songs, in addition, Grammy a ‘Kiss Goodbye’, Masked Singer a ‘Misplaced Time and Space’, isn’t that eight songs?”
“That …… is a bit less!”
Li Tiezhu sat in his office in the towering CBD building in Kyoto, looking at Zhang Xiaomeng across the table with great despondency.
Real Men was a programme that required closed filming, requiring a total of about fifty days of filming and training. Therefore, before this, Li Tiezhu needs to set the list of songs for the third chapter of the album, and then your side will help him prepare the backing tracks and arrangements, so that as soon as he puts it out …… no, as soon as he comes back, he can directly start recording the album.
However, a rather embarrassing problem was encountered.
The new album has only prepared eight songs.
Eight songs to send what album ah?
According to the usual practice, half of the songs needed to be three to fifteen songs to release an album, but who is good enough to take only three songs out and let people pay for it? Isn’t this a disgrace? Therefore, the general album is ten songs, occasionally one more two three songs, the convention, basically no less than ten songs.
Li Tiezhu now only eight songs, at least two songs short.
Zhang Xiaomeng said: “These two years you are too tired, slightly slow it down, so, I find someone to write two songs for you ……”
Li Tiezhu: “No way! How can you sing other people’s songs on your own album?”
Zhang Xiaomeng said, “Why can’t I? Do you think everyone can write songs?”
Li Tiezhu, however, disagreed, because he knew that it was meaningless to sing songs written by other people, singing other people’s songs didn’t have any music achievement value added, so he might as well write it himself!
“Forget it, it’s better if I write it myself, there’s still time.”
“Is a week enough time?”
“Half a day is enough.”
“Erm ……”
Zhang Xiaomeng was also speechless, there was no way around it, who made his family’s artists genius idiots?
After determining his plan to write a song, Li Tiezhu left, leaving Zhang Xiaomeng to continue to be busy as a dog. In almost three years, he hadn’t been idle, agents were always much more tiring than artists, especially agents of quasi-superstars like Li Tiezhu.
……
A week later, Zhang Xiaomeng came to Li Tiezhu and Song Zhu’er’s cottage, because Li Tiezhu will go to the west to “enlist” the next day.
Although it was just a variety show, the planning of “Real Men” was based on realism and hard training, and it was even praised by the officials, although it had not yet started recording, it could already give people a sense of its style.
Therefore, Zhang Xiaomeng had to come and meet with Li Tiezhu for a good chat.
This show only allowed artists to bring an assistant, and, during the recording of the show, which was also known as training, assistants were not allowed to be present, only people from the show were allowed to be there. The challenging nature of this programme was actually not small.
After asking Li Tiezhu about all aspects of his condition, and learning that he was ready, and even, two days ago, he fought with Fan Xiaohuang again, and won both times, Zhang Xiaomeng breathed a sigh of relief.
Then, Zhang Xiaomeng began to ask about the music album; “Have the two new songs been written?”
In the living room, Li Tiezhu was drinking milk and eating beef stew in order to replenish his body.
He said, “The words of the songs …… I forgot.”
Zhang Xiaomeng: “……”
Normal heart normal heart! Aren’t their own artists always so unreliable? There’s nothing to make a fuss about.
Zhang Xiaomeng tried to squeeze out a smile.
“Pfft ……”
The few people next to Zhang Xiaomeng burst out laughing, unable to hold back that kind of laughter.
These were the advance team sent by Real Men, to be precise, they were here to record a VCR, to be used when doing the mission introductions at the opening of the show, which was a routine operation.
Li Tiezhu: “They are?”
Zhang Xiaomeng: “It’s the film crew of ‘Real Men’, coming to film the VCR, don’t mind them, did you really forget to write the song? Damn, it will be recorded soon ……”
Li Tiezhu chewed the beef and said, “Then I’ll write two songs at random.”
Zhang Xiaomeng stomped her foot, “In time my arse! You’re leaving tomorrow ……”
Li Tiezhu: “In time, in time.”
Next to him, Song Zhu’er, the boss’s wife who kept dozing off with dark circles under her eyes, nodded frequently.
She has been a bit miserable lately, because Li Tiezhu has been working hard to exercise his body for the real man, and she is the exercise equipment, and she is being drilled by Li Tiezhu every day, the miserable kind of miserable. Cat, Fox and Bear are far away, can’t protect her from harm, the only one around people rabbit smashed also happened to come to relatives, to greet relatives do not have time to accompany her to be drilled.
Song Zhu’er: “There’s still one day left, it’s not too late.”
Zhang Xiaomeng: “You think he’s a fairy? Well, it’s a fairy, it’s really not too late ……”
Li Tiezhu: “I’ll write two more songs, right? Write them to you now, I’ll think about it.”
April’s Kyoto warbling grass, wind and sand in the sky, can not see the fingers, that’s right, the dust storms and haze have begun again, Li Tiezhu morning morning run have to wear a mask kind of, it is very affecting the breathing.
Mimi and Leng Ba should like this kind of weather, the visual distance is less than five metres, they can roam the streets at will and are not afraid of being seen.
Zhang Xiaomeng: “Now?”
Li Tiezhu looked at his agent in surprise, geez! You’ve been with me for almost three years since my debut, and you actually don’t believe me? Don’t you have any idea? I am a cunt ah! A shameless cunt!
The cameraman from the Real Men crew had already switched on the machine and was filming Li Tiezhu with multiple cameras.
Could it be that the man in front of him is going to be super god again?
The country a s le!
Li Tiezhu: “That …… you don’t believe me, then I’ll be a whole lot of tawdry work ……”
Zhang Xiaomeng: “Don’t be flirty! Please, write a serious song!”
“I don’t.”
“Erm ……”
“A song um……The King Calls Me to Patrol the Mountain……hey……”
Li Tiezhu suddenly laughed.
Zhang Xiaomeng was shocked, “Don’t ah! Don’t you mess around!”
Song Zhu’er, however, suddenly swindled, although she had been zapped recently, she was always energetic: “What song is it? Listening to the title of the song ‘The King Calls Me to Patrol’, it’s just my type of song, ugh hehehe ……”
So it makes sense that Song Zhu’er has ended up with this ghostly appearance with forked legs now, she obviously can’t fight, and there are no other animals around to support her, but she also dares to provoke Li Tiezhu often, who will die if you don’t die?
A staff member of the real man said, “Li Tiezhu teacher, may I ask you can sing two lines of that what to patrol the mountain?”
Li Tiezhu’s serious face: “It’s The King Calls Me to Patrol the Mountain, a beautiful narrative song, listen up, hum ……”
Zhang Xiaomeng instantly covered his face, he already smelled the royal engine.
Song Zhu’er leaped happily, my man is bullish.
Li Tiezhu opened his mouth and sang:
The king called me to patrol the mountain
I’ll take the earth for a spin
Play my drums and strike my gongs
Life is full of rhythm
The king called me to patrol the mountain
Catch a monk for dinner
The water in this mountain stream is so sweet
I’m not envious of lovebirds or fairies
After singing, the employees of the Real Men programme group were all dumbstruck, and Li Tiezhu was really extraordinary.
Zhang Xiaomeng swindled to death, ah I died, paralysed in the sofa, sure to use this song to release an album?
Song Zhu’er is the most high, she has a unique aesthetic, she feels that this song is simply good to hear an explosion, listening to all wet: “Good good good …… too good! The little wind is not it? That little demon is called Little Diamond Wind? I know him well!”
Li Tiezhu is a copy of the system of a song, was Song Zhu’er startled: “You know this monster? Aren’t we in a parallel dimension? Why is the aura revived?”
Song Zhu’er: “Ahahaha, Zhu Zi, you’re so funny, I’m Ne Zha, of course I’m familiar with the people of the Journey to the West! Of course I’m familiar with the people in the Journey to the West world.”
Li Tiezhu laughed awkwardly: “Ahahahaha …… So that’s how it is, scared me to death.”
Zhang Xiaomeng is even more speechless, this Nima also “allusion”?
Really?
The filming of the really difficult staff one by one also laughed, not ridicule, but happy, Tie Zhu’s song is interesting! Besides, it was written on the spot, right? It’s a big earner! Another big gimmick for this show.
Song Zhu’er was still making a scene, “I like this song so much! Tie Zhu, will you keep writing songs in this sand sculpture style from now on? I’ll sing with you!”
Li Tiezhu: “Forget it, I don’t really want to sing with you, your singing voice is too uptight.”
Song Zhu’er tilted her head to kill: “Alas hey …… there are outsiders, don’t talk nonsense, hush! Let’s quietly!”
Li Tiezhu: “What do you think? I said you sing hard to hear ah!”
Song Zhu’er: “Ah …… this ……”
The staff were dumbfounded.
Zhang Xiaomeng: “Pfft!”
This segment of filming, although some of it was cut out, still appeared on the programme Real Men, after all, Li Tiezhu’s interview footage, of course, should be much, much more than the other guests, this is the normal phenomenon.
The pop-up screen was very satisfied with Li Tiezhu’s wimpy appearance:
“What the hell?”
“Eight songs out of the album is afraid of not cheating money oh!”
“Isn’t this writing songs on the spot?”
“Li Tiezhu, really can’t you wait until after the show to write a song, don’t perfume the fans.”
“Does Serious Brother need time to write songs? He only needs his hands, if he has them.”
“It’s coming!”
“Let’s collectively witness Li Tiezhu’s new original song ……”
“Err ……”
“Ah ……”
“This ……”
“The king told me to come and patrol the mountain, I’ll turn the earth around …… Good to hear!”
“The tune is okay, what the hell are the lyrics?”
“Please! Li Tiezhu, can you be more serious?”
“The previous eight songs are all classics, what more do you want? You won’t allow Li Tie Zhu to write two mediocre songs to make up the number?”
“How can Li Tie Zhu be mediocre?”
“Genius, refuse to compromise!”
“Go for it!”
“Are you guys on drugs? How can a decent brother be decent? Just wait and see, the next song can’t be decent either!”
“No way, this must be a repressor first! The next song is a classic.”
Li Tiezhu said to the camera, “The last song of the new album is called ……”
Zhang Xiaomeng interrupted, “Stop! There’s no rush! We’ll write it after we think about it.”
Li Tiezhu: “You still need to think about writing a song?”
Zhang Xiaomeng: “……”
Song Zhu’er: “That’s right, isn’t writing a song as simple as opening your mouth and singing it? It’s not that hard. Come on Tie Zhu, I like the style you know.”
Li Tiezhu nodded deeply, “This song is the mood I was in before I participated in Real Men, it’s called Disturbed, do you want me to sing a couple of lines?”
Zhang Xiaomeng covered her head in despair.
The Real Men’s staff per capita bitches, nodded their heads, and shamelessly praised Li Tiezhu for being bullish.
Li Tiezhu then uttered two words and sang:
Ah oh
Ah oh eh
ah hiss de ah hiss de
Ah hiss de cu de cu de cu de
“A-hiss-de-hiss-de-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”.
After singing a few lines, Li Tiezhu had a winning face and looked around.
The real men staff are stupid, have turned their heads to look at Zhang Xiaomeng, Zhang Xiaomeng also confused ah, stared at the Songzhuer, you give translation translation?
Song Zhu’er also numb, this …… is a fucking what ah? It is also …… strange to hear!