After thinking about it, not relieved, Sun Hip added: “Li Tiezhu led a ‘rebellion’ and was punished …… with a facial mosaic for five minutes.”
After writing, Sun Hip Hip ate the last ice cream in one mouthful, soothed, and said to his assistant, “Bring me a bottle of cola, make it chilled.”
The pop-up screen frantically spat at Sun Hip-Hip, because the bastard was too lewd and obnoxious:
“Who is this director?”
“Fat, disgusting and pretentious!”
“What’s the point deduction?”
“Not providing any food that would really be wilderness survival.”
“This programme is too much, isn’t it?”
“Catching up from Infinite Challenge, go Tie Zhu!”
“Came from Mushroom House!”
“A hellish version of Mushroom House, this is.”
“This sun thief actually eats ice cream and drinks coke?”
“He’s one of the scriptwriters of Soldier’s Assault, and also the cameraman, Li Tiezhu’s Nortel classmate.”
“Really? Growing up in such a hurry?”
“His name is Sun Hip-Hip, he only got into Nortel’s photography department after he was over thirty.”
“Whatever he is Hip Hip, looking at him is annoying.”
Sun Hip Hip drank a mouthful of cola, his whole body was tingling, and he said to the camera, “I think the pop-up screen must be cursing me right now, but your level of cursing is definitely not good, come on, late, give me a whole two sentences of the official pop-up screen trolls.
The later stage instantly added the official pop-ups:
“I know this director, his relatives are in my family’s pigsty.”
“Caring for the disabled, it’s not easy to be a director with cerebral palsy.”
“The director looks pretty killer!”
“Quite not easy, this director completely avoids all the features that humans should have.”
Pop-up:
“Crap!”
“This director’s theatre hold up!”
“Delete it and let me talk.”
Only then did Hip Sun say, “Actually, all of you viewers don’t have to hate me so much because I didn’t design these segments alone, it was the result of our powerful planning team working together. Apart from me, they are Ju Chang Wang Xiao Kai, Big Tongue Play Wu Lei and Hammer Li Zhi Xuan.”
Corresponding to Sun Hip Hop’s words, the videos of the three appeared on the screen in a split screen.
Wang Xiaokai: “Hello everyone, I’m Ju Chang.”
Wu Lei: “Hello everyone, I’m Big Tongue …… Big Tongue Play.”
Li Zhixuan: “Hello everyone I’m Li Zhixuan.”
Hop: “Our goal is to …… tenderise Li Tiezhu to death.”
Well, when these three appeared, the viewers stopped spitting and switched sides hoping that they would tenderise Li Tiezhu to death soon. Especially Wang Xiaokai and Wu Lei’s fans were very manic.
On the other side, Li Tiezhu chopped a few slender sticks, sharpened them, and made them into wooden spears.
Zheng Yanzi and Qin Tao were laying stones to block the fish in the upstream and downstream respectively, the river was not narrow but the water was not deep, the deepest part of this section was only about half a metre, which was suitable for touching the fish.
After tossing and turning for about half an hour, they finally got four fish, one was three fingers wide, the remaining three were all only two fingers wide, which really wasn’t considered plentiful.
However, there was finally something to eat.
Next, the division of labour again, Qin Tao killed the fish, Zheng Yanzi went to the opposite woods to collect firewood, while Li Tiezhu was responsible for the most difficult part – drilling wood for fire.
Only to see, a mosaic-faced Li Tiezhu sitting on the rocky beach, using a scornful knife to sharpen a wooden stick, and using vines and wooden strips to make a bow that could pull a wooden drill to turn quickly. This thing looks magical, in fact, it is not difficult at all, in order to prepare for this show, Li Tiezhu specifically studied the wilderness survival skills, plus he was born in the countryside, hands-on ability.
“Hiccup~”
Sun Hip Hip sipped his coke and came over to watch Li Tie Zhu drilling wood for fire.
Li Tiezhu asked, “What time is it now?”
Sun Hip Hip grinned, “How could I possibly tell you the time?”
Li Tiezhu rolled his eyes, but the audience couldn’t see it because at this time his face was all mosaic.
Using a dry wooden stick to dig out a small slot, Li Tiezhu put the dry moss in it, and put the dry pine needles next to it, and then, began to drill wood to get fire, spare Li Tiezhu also used his milk strength.
Theory to theory, practical to practical.
The first time to do this thing, Li Tiezhu is still very rusty, empty body strength, but repeated failures, tossed for a long time, but did not succeed.
Finally, in the Qin Tao and Zheng Yan Zi are dry things back when the miracle appeared.
The dry moss started to smoke.
Li Tiezhu lay down on the ground and blew twice, sparks appeared on the dry moss, he carefully put the pine needles on it, soon, the pine needles were ignited.
Finally there is a fire, you can bake fish, Qin Tao was so excited that he wowed. Zheng Yan Zi was also very happy, excitedly kicked Qin Tao almost kicked him into the river, Qin Tao did not dare to complain and could only smile.
The fire was built, Li Tiezhu skewered the fish with thin wooden strips and put it on the fire and roasted it.
Qin Tao again worried up, squatting next to Li Tiezhu, said: “Is it difficult that we have to drill wood for fire every day? Is it still alive?”
Li Tiezhu said, “How are you thinking about the problem? Isn’t the most important thing no salt? Without salt to eat, how can we have the strength to work?”
Zheng Yanzi: “I’m more worried about how to go to the toilet ……”
Li Tiezhu: “What’s the point? We’ll just go straight into the woods and be done with it.”
Zheng Yan Zi: “I am a woman.”
Li Tiezhu slapped his head: “Hey! Look at my memory, always forget.”
Zheng Yan Zi a flying kick was dodged by Li Tiezhu, she did not dare to attack again, after all, Li Tiezhu was too strong, so she could only angrily backhanded Qin Tao a fist.
Bang!
Qin Tao: “Ow~”
At this time, director Sun Hip spoke, “You can have a bag of salt! Salt is a necessity, this is the first time the programme team has made an exception, and it will be the last.”
Saying this, the director’s assistant brought a bag of salt as well as, a bag of chicken bręąsts.
Sun Hip said, “The salt is for you guys, and the chicken bręąst is for Yan Zi, she’s an athlete and her body is important. Therefore, the programme team has communicated with her and prepared a kilogram of chicken bręąst for her every day, so that she can maintain the habit of eating boiled chicken bręąst every day.”
Pop-up:
“The programme team is still human.”
“Girls do deserve preferential treatment.”
“It’s mainly because Yuan Zi is an athlete and just won the championship.”
“Eating chicken bręąsts every day and the male lead coming out for a walk?”
“Polish stroke come out and take two steps?”
Qin Tao: “So we can eat chicken bręąst?”
Sun Hee-Hei: “No, we can’t. Also, Yuan Zi is a girl, she can go to the show’s caravan to wash up and go to the bathroom. You two are not allowed!”
Qin Tao: “Your caravan is so far away ……”
Sun Hip said, “Don’t bother, starting this afternoon, four excavators will come and push the road a hundred metres away, so the caravan can drive in at that time.
Qin Tao said angrily, “So all the funds for this programme have been spoiled for you? The guests are suffering here?”
Sun Hip Hop: “That’s right, the audience must be happy to see you guys suffer so much!”
Qin Tao: “……”
Li Tiezhu pickpocketed Qin Tao: “Flip your fish, it’s mushy!”
After saying that, Li Tiezhu tore open the salt bag and sprinkled a few on top of his fish. Zheng Yanzi had boiled chicken bręąst to eat and only picked the smallest fish. Qin Tao ate two small fish, and Li Tiezhu ate a slightly larger fish, grilling his own.
Sun Hip continued, “Now that you guys are grilling fish, I’ll talk about your current situation and the rules of the programme. First of all, you are the only three people left in the tribe, the tribe died out in the last conflict, and you were the only ones who escaped by going up to the mountains to hunt, so you escaped to this ravine.”
Li Tiezhu: “Is there any previous story? It doesn’t feel necessary.”
Sun Hip said, “It’s very necessary, because you guys are primitive, and on the way to escape, you accidentally picked up a few tools from a medium civilisation, out heads, axes and the like, and a tool from a higher civilisation, a hand-ground coffee maker. Thanks again to the Mushroom House crew for their support of this show. Where you are now is not absolutely safe, the mountains across the street are frequented by bears, the mountains behind them are the territory of wolves, there are monkeys in the forest to the west, and there are many wild boars to the east.”
Li Tiezhu: “Is it edible?”
Sun Hip Hop: “These are all fictional, if you can hunt it, count it as a win.”
Li Tiezhu: “Then say an egg!”
Sun Hip Hip added: “The rules of the programme, the first point, everyone has faith points, a total of one hundred points, when it is deducted then it means dying and exiting the recording of the programme. Just now, the three of you left without permission while I was talking, you have already been deducted five points each by me.”
Zheng Yanzi: “What do you mean? By what right do you deduct as you say?”
Sun Hip stood up, “Sorry! I forgot to introduce myself, I am the Heavenly God of this world, in charge of everything in the world, the will of the God is supreme and has the right to deduct anyone’s Faith Points.”
Qin Tao: “Are the gods of this realm so obscene?”
Sun Hee-Hee: “To defame the God of Heaven, three points will be deducted, the current score is ninety-two points.”
Qin Tao didn’t dare to speak again.
Li Tiezhu and Zheng Yanzi looked at each other, their eyes discussing whether or not to beat up this bitch? After thinking about it, it’s better to forget about it and wait to beat it up after recording the show.
Sun Hip added, ”Hey! Don’t be afraid, at the end of each episode, there is a sacrifice session, if you offer gifts that I like, I can give you extra points. The second point is that the programme team doesn’t have any tasks issued to you guys to do whatever you want to do, however, there will be three accidental points and one natural disaster in each episode.”
Zheng Yanzi: “What does that mean?”
Sun Hip said, “Let’s use a live demonstration. The natural disaster usually appears at the beginning of the programme, the 〇th natural disaster – Li Tiezhu went into the water to catch fish and was bitten by a poisonous snake on his left leg. In this period, Li Tiezhu can no longer climb mountains, wade in the water, the range of action shall not exceed one hundred metres, and it is forbidden to do heavy physical work, such as carrying weights, climbing trees, digging, etc. ……”
Li Tiezhu angrily said, “This …… this is still playing a fart ah? We still don’t have an overnight house! Food is also not available, I can not move, but also play a hammer oh!”
Sun Hip Hop also ignored, a snapping finger: “Heavenly Tribulation descends!”
When the programme was broadcast, it directly gave Li Tiezhu’s left leg a blood-soaring 50-cent special effect, with a characteristic sound effect: “Oh exempt!”
The mosaic on Li Tiezhu’s face only disappeared, and he limped and bounced again, crying and laughing:
“From now on, I’m limping chanting?!”
Sun Hip added: “Yes! There are three more accidents waiting for you next, cheers! Primitives!”
Li Tiezhu, Zheng Yanzi, and Qin Tao had a look on their faces that was worse than death.
Cheer up a six ah!
Sun Hip greeted the staff, “Come! Bring up the divine mirror.”
Two staff members carried a vertical screen monitor up, about twenty-seven inches, not small, with a camera on top and a huge battery attached to the bottom, which looked like it was Bluetooth.
What the hell is this?
A film for primitive people?